Doug: Hey, how about songs that just make you cringe? I'm talking hearing it, seeing the video, even (God forbid) getting it stuck in your head. Do you have a song or songs like that?I'd like to offer as Exhibit A "I Know What Boys Like" by the Waitresses. I've included the video below, just so you can hear and see how obnoxious this song is. If you want to truly punish all of us, go ahead and include a URL for either your song nominee, or its video. We can all cringe together!
"Pop Music," by M.
ReplyDeletePop pop pop music, Pop pop pop music. ARRRGGGHH!!!!!
Darpy
Love the Waitresses, especially their masterpiece "Christmas Wrapping," from back in the day when much pop music was clever and ironic new wave fun. The singer died young from cancer (see her smoking in the video?)so won't be cringing with you on this one...
ReplyDelete"What's Going On" by 4 Non-Blondes though, now that to me is the definitive ear bleeding caterwaul!
Anything by Lady Gaga. Not so much because her music is awful (it so very much is) but because I've heard her sing just with a piano, and the lady's got talent. She offends me not because she sucks, but because she CHOOSES to suck.
ReplyDeletePretty much any of the diva type singers like Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Cher, Beyonce, etc. Anything where the singer thinks sheer lungpower = music. Club music and electronica will make me automatically leave the room as well.
ReplyDeleteHow about a voyage to Adult Contemporary Hell? I'd offer up Juice Newton's Angel in the Morning (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTzGMEfbnAw) and Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9ZMDPf9hZw)?
ReplyDeleteOh, and just for good (or bad) measure, try Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life on for size (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b07-yKnKRMQ).
Can a brother get a barf bag????
Doug
I'm especially with you on the adult contemporary/soft rock - or, as I often call it, sappy schmaltz. In that sense, I would highlight Air Supply. I did not back in the early 80s, when they had all those hits, nor do I to this day understand the appeal. Especially brain-searingly bad to me were "The One That You Love" and "All Out of Love." I will not provide links to avoid subjecting anyone else to them (even now, just recalling it, the chorus to "One That You Love" has started running through my head. The horror, the horror..)
ReplyDeleteEdo, that's what's great about this thread -- there's something for every aural sadist or masochist! :)
ReplyDeleteDoug
Like Anonymous I love the Waitresses too and was more than a little saddened when I heard about Patty Donahue's death.
ReplyDeleteAs for things I can't bear to listen to, I can never forget the horror of Bryan Adams being Number One for about twelve weeks in the UK with the dire, "Everything I Do, I Do It For You." Trust me, Bryan, you didn't do it for me.
There was also Stevie Wonder's, "I just Called To Say I love You," which also stayed at Number One forever, as well as seeming to go on forever.
Then again there's always Christina Aguilera's, "Beautiful." I remember getting into an Internet argument with someone who declared that Garbage never did anything to compare with the genius of "Beautiful." There really is no accounting for taste.
Wow.., tough crowd in here...
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Inkstained was on the right track with Whitney, Mariah, Beyonce, etc.. I'm probably not a good person to ask because I tend to like sappy, like Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You' and others.
While I love schmaltzy bands with great production accomplishments and nice hook-lines (like Abba..), my wife playing them insessantly drives me batty. Hard to listen to, but darn if they don't have talent and have been pretty successful, so I tend to give 'em a lot of credit, despite what I might think of their music.
Ear-bleeding..? Metallica, most '80s bands, John Denver, even some Barry Manilow. I hesitate to mention Barry because I love a lot of his material, especially his cozy, non-commercial '2am Paradise Cafe' with Mel Torme and a few other classic jazz artists..
Other 'fingernail-against-the-chalkboard' selections..? Yeah, I'
d go with Debby Boone.
One song that always provokes a Pavlovian, foaming-at-the-mouth reaction in me is "Beds Are Burning" by Aussie eco-rockers, Midnight Oil. Not because it's such a bad song in itself, but because former moronic neighbours of mine would play it at ear-shredding volume at 3 in the morning and threaten to kick my head in if I asked them to turn it down.
ReplyDeleteHappy days...
Hearing one note of that song's bass-line makes me want to scream :-(
Although I recognize their repulsion to the public at large, I must admit that a few of the songs mentioned share a soft place in my heart (Debbie Boone, Air Supply, to name a few) due to happy childhood memories.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I nominate the following as ear-bleeding:
Collective Soul - December (not to be confused with the Counting Crows' Long December)
Springsteen - Brilliant Disguise
Depeche Mode - Master & Servant
Sugar Ray - Someday
All-time #1 most painful song: Lou Bega - Mambo Number Five
Heh - when Steve mentioned Bryan Adams (who's also pretty high up on my "can't stand" list), it reminded me of that scene in the South Park Movie when at one point the Canadian UN ambassador had to very pointedly underscore the fact that "Canada has apologized for Bryan Adams on *several* occasions..."
ReplyDeleteI agree with Inkstained that the Diva’s are the major culprits, although I wouldn’t throw Beyonce and Cher, both of whom I think can really sing even if I’m not a fan, in with the likes of Maria Carey & Whitney Houston. I really despise the way people like Whitney, who could sing like an angel if she wanted to, warble through songs. ‘Let me just practice my scales in the middle of this number, oh, wait a minute, just as I’m building up to an emotional crescendo, here’s a few random notes I haven’t hit yet.’
ReplyDeleteSeriously cannot believe that no one has mentioned Celine Dion. Surely she owns this thread. Really, I hoped my heart would actually stop.
Anything by the likes of Alexander O’ Neal. Sorry...what floor is this?
I think there are 2 important sub-categories here: (1) serious rockers / proper musicians who lull you into a false sense of security with great songs and then turn on the treacle when you’re not expecting it. Meatloaf is a real offender here. (2) Divas who murder existing good songs ( Celine Dion’s All By Myself...if only....Maria Carey’s Without You....amen to that !)
Whitney gets another mention here because, although it’s not hard to murder a good song, it is relatively hard to murder one that is already BAD. Witness: Dolly’s version of I will always love you is OK if you like that sort of thing until you get to the DREADFUL spoken bit in the middle. I would have thought it impossible to ruin that song any further, but then Whitney decided to see how many notes it’s possible to hit with a single word.
Richard
I think we'd be remiss if it was not noted how badly Christina Aguilera butchered the Star Spangled Banner at yesterday's Super Bowl. Egad...
ReplyDeleteDoug
Rupert Holmes' "Escape" (aka "that #@*! song with the pina coladas"), Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight," Wham! "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go," (the bed wetters' anthem), Steve Miller Band's "Take the Money and Run," (let's hear it for armed robbery!), Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun," Michael Murphy's "Wildfire," and Minnie Ripperton's "Lovin' You."
ReplyDeleteA US Navy recruiting ad on radio in the 1970's played Mary MacGregor singing "Torn Between Two Lovers." To this day, I don't see what the one could have to do with the other.
ReplyDeleteI recommend Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. It grew out of one of his columns about, well, you guessed it, bad songs. He said he got more responses about that column than anything else he ever wrote.
ReplyDelete"Bust the Windows Out Your Car for Some Chicken." Somebody explain to Jed305 that contributions to racial stereotypes are not tax deductible.
ReplyDelete"He Hit Me and It Felt Like a Kiss." It's like watching one of those police videos with the battered wife refusing to press charges.
ReplyDelete