I'll tell ya, I almost feel like the Golden Age contingent should just get a free pass on this one. . . ! My knowledge base on that era is very small, but it still seems like they went to great lengths to out-do each other in the Implausibility department. Along with the Whizzer's mongoose-blood transfusion (or something), we had Torch sidekick Toro who, I believe, was originally depicted as being a circus fire-eater, which led to the triggering of his flame powers-? And-- I did mention the original Johnny Quick last time-- whose speed powers came from speaking a mathematical formula based on (as it turns out) Egyptian Hieroglyphics (???) which imbued superspeed powers upon the user. Man, I've no doubt the Golden Age is rife with that sort of thing as you work your way down the increasingly obscure ranks--!
Actually, I think the Shadow's origin is just about as lame as it gets (although we're back in the pulp age with him, too). His stupid "power" (to somehow make himself invisible to the eye via hypnosis even before he comes in contact with anyone) is just an inane conceit and convention. Even moreso because it's a skill/art that was "taught" to him by mystics in the East, razza-razza. Mind you, I thoroughly enjoy the old radio show-- I just have to swallow hard to get past the silly conceit. . .heh. . .
Now, we really do want to be going with "original" origins, right? Prior to any retcons or clarifications or "secrets" or anything, right? 'Cause great lengths have been gone to over the years to infuse some of the lamer origins with more plausibility, depth, and meaning.
Really, THOR should be a pretty solid contender amongst the mainstream heroes. In JiM 83 we are treated to a ridiculous sequence of happenstance coincidences that, thank goodness!, result in an invading alien race meeting their defeat. Unless I am greatly mistaken, there was not any intention at that point on Stan & Jack's part to make Don Blake anything other than the person he appeared to be-- and that THOR was, of course, just the mystical shell of an alter-ego that he put on via the enchantment from the hammer. It is truly weak, in my book. "Good things happen to nice guys if they happen to be in the right place at the right time-"--- sheesh, there's a credo to live by. . .
Thor started out not that different from the original Captain Marvel -a weak human is magically transformed into a godlike being. Sure, there was a lot of coincidence -but was it all coincidence, or FATE?! Ah ha!!
Of course later on it turns out that Don Blake was just a shell, just another dirty trick by Big Daddy Odin really, and Thor was the true identity.
If you looked at Spider-Man's origin and only focused on the "bitten by a radioactive spider" part, it would be just about as stupid as the Whizzer's mongoose blood. But of course what makes Spidey's origin so great is everything around that incident -his growing hubris and the tragedy of losing Uncle Ben, and the realization of what his actions had wrought. So I think that most of these origin stories are necessarily outlandish to a degree, but it's all in the handling of them.
Speaking of blood transfusions, SHe-Hulk has to have one of the worst origins/first issues ever. I eventually grew to like the character, though I still can't stand the name. But that origin story is just awful. Nothing wrong with the blood transfusion per se but everything around it is wretched. (we reviewed it a couple of years ago: http://bronzeagebabies.blogspot.com/2013/03/derivative-ladies-she-hulk.html)
Wasn't Black Condor raised by "mutant condors" in the wild? I have no idea how that gave him the ability to fly, but like HB said, that's the Golden Age for ya!
I'm finding it hard to decide if the mongoose thing is dumb or totally brilliant. Same goes for being raised by mutant condors.... But of course, the title of the post doesn't ask for the worst origin but the worst origin story.
So I'd suggest the first issue of the Silver Surfer by Stan Lee. In which it turns out the cosmic alien being from the Galactus trilogy is .... just some moaning bald geezer covered in silver?
I'll tell you guys who had the worst origin: ME. When I was a little kid, I stepped on a rusty nail (that may or may not have been radioactive). And did I gain the ability to grow a coarse metallic armor over my skin? Nope. Just earned me a trip to the doctor and my first tetanus shot. And did that tetanus shot make me impervious to injury from any metal, including bullets? Nope (in fact, my tendency to cut and scratch myself with kitchen utensils and garden tools made that the first of many tetanus shots). Later, in my early teens, I was stung by what I am certain was a radioactive wasp (it really, really hurt). And did I gain the proportional strength of a wasp and have cool translucent insect wings grow from my back? Nope. Just a big, painful (and then itchy) welt on my arm. So here I am, all of these years later, leading a mundane life, with no global career of fighting injustice and evil under my belt. So there you have it, worst origin ever...
Edo, just wait for Galactus to knock on your door. I don't think there has been a herald named Tetanus yet!
There are some villains that I just don't think had great origins (they were probably mortified and that is why they are villains).
There's the Prowler, who I really like as a character and he has a great costume, but I never liked "the Window Washer engineers special window washing equipment and uses it for villainous means when he gets fired" angle. Huh?
It seems a lot of villains had that underappreciated / genius level engineering path. I believe the Beetle designed the suit, was belittled, and stole it back from the company. And didn't the Trapster/Paste Pot Pete develop a super adhesive that had a flaw... so he jumped to crime. Ugh.
I think that is REALLY why Stan created the X Men. He couldn't come up with any more great origins... so they were just born that way. Maybe that's the worst origin. "Uhhh, I turned thirteen and shot ruby colored optic blasts, how about you?" "Me, my feet and hands grew really big and hairy". "Cool".
Not quite an origin, but I thought that Baron Zemo (another one of my favorite villains) getting his mask stuck to his face by another super adhesive was a lame story.
Ah, Martinex, speaking of Zemo, a villain I should have mentioned in last week's post on good origins would have been the Red Skull. The 3-parter from Tales of Suspense was a nice story and served the character well.
I caught a little bit of Amazing Spider-Man 2 on HBO last month. I still haven't seen the whole thing and am not too worried about it (although I'll say that the first part of the film has some killer Spidey scenes -- extremely well done). Jamie Foxx falling into a vat of electric eels to emerge as Electro? Uhhh...
In the late 70s there were a quite of fairly dopey Spidey villains with goofy origins--Hammmerhead, Grizzly, Kangaroo, none of whom should have ever caused our Friendly Neighborhood hero to even get a glow taking down. I liked Tarantuala, cool costume, but again Spidey should have been able to knock him down on his worst day. How could he have even run, let alone tango'd, in those boots?
Ah Martinex1 I was gonna mention Paste Pot Pete too in his earliest incarnation. Really now, are you gonna take a villain seriously when his choice of weapon is a pot of glue?
This is probably not a good example but somehow I've never liked the Impossible Man or Mr. Mxyzptlk - the idea of beings from another dimension who possess magical powers is just too convenient for my taste. Heck, the Beyonder falls into this category too. Gimme an invasion by the Toad Men any day!
- Mike 'pondering the origin of BBQ sauce' from Trinidad & Tobago.
Wait, wait-- mightn't we return more specifically to the question at hand? "Worst origin STORY"-?? Is it Karen up above who sort of suggests that this would necessarily mean that single first story that explains HOW a character became super, along with an introduction and candid appraisal of said character themself. It kinda needs both elements, yes?
Liking Sauron. Stegron's also right up there. Hypno Hustler? No-- we never got an actual "origin" for him. He was just lame at first sight-- didn't need to go all deep-background.
.jpg)
Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis"
ReplyDeleteOne day, Gregor Samsa wakes up and he's a giant bug. Weeeeeeak...
I'll tell ya, I almost feel like the Golden Age contingent should just get a free pass on this one. . . ! My knowledge base on that era is very small, but it still seems like they went to great lengths to out-do each other in the Implausibility department. Along with the Whizzer's mongoose-blood transfusion (or something), we had Torch sidekick Toro who, I believe, was originally depicted as being a circus fire-eater, which led to the triggering of his flame powers-? And-- I did mention the original Johnny Quick last time-- whose speed powers came from speaking a mathematical formula based on (as it turns out) Egyptian Hieroglyphics (???) which imbued superspeed powers upon the user.
ReplyDeleteMan, I've no doubt the Golden Age is rife with that sort of thing as you work your way down the increasingly obscure ranks--!
Actually, I think the Shadow's origin is just about as lame as it gets (although we're back in the pulp age with him, too). His stupid "power" (to somehow make himself invisible to the eye via hypnosis even before he comes in contact with anyone) is just an inane conceit and convention. Even moreso because it's a skill/art that was "taught" to him by mystics in the East, razza-razza.
Mind you, I thoroughly enjoy the old radio show-- I just have to swallow hard to get past the silly conceit. . .heh. . .
HB
Ha! Anon-- that is flippin' HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteHB
Gregor Samsa *never* turned into a bug. "The Metamorphosis" is a great story. Highly recomended.
ReplyDeleteNow, we really do want to be going with "original" origins, right? Prior to any retcons or clarifications or "secrets" or anything, right? 'Cause great lengths have been gone to over the years to infuse some of the lamer origins with more plausibility, depth, and meaning.
ReplyDeleteReally, THOR should be a pretty solid contender amongst the mainstream heroes. In JiM 83 we are treated to a ridiculous sequence of happenstance coincidences that, thank goodness!, result in an invading alien race meeting their defeat. Unless I am greatly mistaken, there was not any intention at that point on Stan & Jack's part to make Don Blake anything other than the person he appeared to be-- and that THOR was, of course, just the mystical shell of an alter-ego that he put on via the enchantment from the hammer. It is truly weak, in my book. "Good things happen to nice guys if they happen to be in the right place at the right time-"--- sheesh, there's a credo to live by. . .
HB
HB nails it with the Golden Age madness. And I think we’ve already covered the reckless inanity of the Fantastic Four’s origins.
ReplyDeleteI guess I’d have to give the prize to Don Martin’s Captain Klutz.
Thor started out not that different from the original Captain Marvel -a weak human is magically transformed into a godlike being. Sure, there was a lot of coincidence -but was it all coincidence, or FATE?! Ah ha!!
ReplyDeleteOf course later on it turns out that Don Blake was just a shell, just another dirty trick by Big Daddy Odin really, and Thor was the true identity.
If you looked at Spider-Man's origin and only focused on the "bitten by a radioactive spider" part, it would be just about as stupid as the Whizzer's mongoose blood. But of course what makes Spidey's origin so great is everything around that incident -his growing hubris and the tragedy of losing Uncle Ben, and the realization of what his actions had wrought. So I think that most of these origin stories are necessarily outlandish to a degree, but it's all in the handling of them.
Speaking of blood transfusions, SHe-Hulk has to have one of the worst origins/first issues ever. I eventually grew to like the character, though I still can't stand the name. But that origin story is just awful. Nothing wrong with the blood transfusion per se but everything around it is wretched. (we reviewed it a couple of years ago: http://bronzeagebabies.blogspot.com/2013/03/derivative-ladies-she-hulk.html)
Wasn't Black Condor raised by "mutant condors" in the wild? I have no idea how that gave him the ability to fly, but like HB said, that's the Golden Age for ya!
ReplyDeleteMike Wilson
I'm finding it hard to decide if the mongoose thing is dumb or totally brilliant. Same goes for being raised by mutant condors.... But of course, the title of the post doesn't ask for the worst origin but the worst origin story.
ReplyDeleteSo I'd suggest the first issue of the Silver Surfer by Stan Lee. In which it turns out the cosmic alien being from the Galactus trilogy is .... just some moaning bald geezer covered in silver?
-sean
I'll tell you guys who had the worst origin: ME.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a little kid, I stepped on a rusty nail (that may or may not have been radioactive). And did I gain the ability to grow a coarse metallic armor over my skin? Nope. Just earned me a trip to the doctor and my first tetanus shot.
And did that tetanus shot make me impervious to injury from any metal, including bullets? Nope (in fact, my tendency to cut and scratch myself with kitchen utensils and garden tools made that the first of many tetanus shots).
Later, in my early teens, I was stung by what I am certain was a radioactive wasp (it really, really hurt). And did I gain the proportional strength of a wasp and have cool translucent insect wings grow from my back? Nope. Just a big, painful (and then itchy) welt on my arm.
So here I am, all of these years later, leading a mundane life, with no global career of fighting injustice and evil under my belt. So there you have it, worst origin ever...
Edo, just wait for Galactus to knock on your door. I don't think there has been a herald named Tetanus yet!
ReplyDeleteThere are some villains that I just don't think had great origins (they were probably mortified and that is why they are villains).
There's the Prowler, who I really like as a character and he has a great costume, but I never liked "the Window Washer engineers special window washing equipment and uses it for villainous means when he gets fired" angle. Huh?
It seems a lot of villains had that underappreciated / genius level engineering path. I believe the Beetle designed the suit, was belittled, and stole it back from the company. And didn't the Trapster/Paste Pot Pete develop a super adhesive that had a flaw... so he jumped to crime. Ugh.
I think that is REALLY why Stan created the X Men. He couldn't come up with any more great origins... so they were just born that way. Maybe that's the worst origin. "Uhhh, I turned thirteen and shot ruby colored optic blasts, how about you?" "Me, my feet and hands grew really big and hairy". "Cool".
Not quite an origin, but I thought that Baron Zemo (another one of my favorite villains) getting his mask stuck to his face by another super adhesive was a lame story.
Ah, Martinex, speaking of Zemo, a villain I should have mentioned in last week's post on good origins would have been the Red Skull. The 3-parter from Tales of Suspense was a nice story and served the character well.
ReplyDeleteI caught a little bit of Amazing Spider-Man 2 on HBO last month. I still haven't seen the whole thing and am not too worried about it (although I'll say that the first part of the film has some killer Spidey scenes -- extremely well done). Jamie Foxx falling into a vat of electric eels to emerge as Electro? Uhhh...
Doug
In the late 70s there were a quite of fairly dopey Spidey villains with goofy origins--Hammmerhead, Grizzly, Kangaroo, none of whom should have ever caused our Friendly Neighborhood hero to even get a glow taking down. I liked Tarantuala, cool costume, but again Spidey should have been able to knock him down on his worst day. How could he have even run, let alone tango'd, in those boots?
ReplyDeleteHow about Sauron? Karl Lykos was bitten by a magic pteranodon and becomes an energy vampire?
ReplyDelete@J.A. Morris: (in Billy Crystal voice) "I hate it when that happens!"
ReplyDeleteMike Wilson
Ah Martinex1 I was gonna mention Paste Pot Pete too in his earliest incarnation. Really now, are you gonna take a villain seriously when his choice of weapon is a pot of glue?
ReplyDeleteThis is probably not a good example but somehow I've never liked the Impossible Man or Mr. Mxyzptlk - the idea of beings from another dimension who possess magical powers is just too convenient for my taste. Heck, the Beyonder falls into this category too. Gimme an invasion by the Toad Men any day!
- Mike 'pondering the origin of BBQ sauce' from Trinidad & Tobago.
Wait, wait-- mightn't we return more specifically to the question at hand? "Worst origin STORY"-?? Is it Karen up above who sort of suggests that this would necessarily mean that single first story that explains HOW a character became super, along with an introduction and candid appraisal of said character themself. It kinda needs both elements, yes?
ReplyDeleteLiking Sauron. Stegron's also right up there.
Hypno Hustler? No-- we never got an actual "origin" for him. He was just lame at first sight-- didn't need to go all deep-background.
HB