False Advertising?

Doug:  I have a pretty short question for you today.  How do you feel about bands going on tour without the singer who made them famous?

Doug:  How many versions of the Beach Boys are on tours at summer festivals and state fairs each year?  At one point, Mike Love, Brian Wilson, and Al Jardine each had their own bands on the road under the "Beach Boys" name.  Chicago has gone on without Peter Cetera for years, and one of my faves (don't get Karen going...), Journey, has been without Steve Perry longer than they were with him.  I've seen Styx on Palladia without Dennis DeYoung (seriously?  Who's singing "Lady" or "Lorelei" or "Come Sail Away"?).  And have you heard Sammy Hagar sing a Van Halen song from during the David Lee Roth era?  Not pretty...

Doug:  So, do you go to these concerts, and if you do, how do you feel?  I know that the band, or its name, or its catalog, is sometimes owned cooperatively by its members and that certain members can be bought out (read: fired).  But in my mind, there's a difference when the guy who is asked to leave, or chooses to leave, is the lead singer.  Am I wrong on this?

An Obscure Nightcrawler Story: Bizarre Adventures 27

Bizarre Adventures #27 (July 1981)
"Show Me the Way to Go Home..."
Jo Duffy/Bob Layton-Dave Cockrum/Ricardo Villamonte

Doug:  How about this for a splash page?  That's some good Dave Cockrum X-art, isn't it?  And did you notice that Dave placed himself on the cover of the TV Guide?  Funny guy...  Today concludes our trip through this magazine.  We've previously toured the Phoenix and Iceman entries and today we'll finish the excursion with a look at the fuzzy elf, Nightcrawler.  You'll notice that Jo Duffy is responsible for the script, as she was on the Iceman tale.  I felt that that story was not terrible, but mediocre.  We'll see how this one goes.

Doug:  As the team watches an old Zorro flick an alarm suddenly goes off in the mansion.  The team recognizes it as emitting from Cerebro, but at a pitch they've not previously heard.  Nightcrawler, on Cyke's orders, "bamfs" ahead to check it out.  As the team arrives to the control room, Kurt Wagner has a wry smile on his face -- Cerebro has detected half a mutant!  So, it's into a cruiser and off to Poughkeepsie to check it out.  Upon arrival, they find the Vanisher, last seen in battle against the Champions and frozen in the Darkforce of Darkstar.  And there he stands -- half a mutant!  Cyclops warns Kurt not to touch the Vanisher, but you know how that goes -- Nightcrawler reaches out and then there's a huge "BAMF!"

Doug:  Yeah, he really shouldn't have touched the Vanisher in the middle of that Darkforce.  That loud "BAMF!" sent the two teleporters through time, space, and dimension to lord-knows-where.  As they finally slipped back into reality, there was a separation and Nightcrawler landed on a planet full of shapely females -- offering him to be their god or king!  Nightcrawler's flattered, but takes the high road and tries to teleport away.  But instead of "bamf!", we hear "poot!"  Now, in the presence of fine-looking women that's not exactly the best noise to make!  It sets in pretty quickly that ol' Kurt Wagner isn't going anywhere soon.  Some unknown distance away the Vanisher has landed and is having a similar experience.  However, being an egomaniacal villain, he's trying the high-and-mighty approach, even as he too is offered godhood and/or a kingship.  The women find him humorous, and despite his failed attempts at manipulating the Darkforce, the ladies decide to keep him.  So they literally drag him off to places yet unknown to us.

Doug:  Scene-shift back to Nightcrawler, who has been set up like a shiek or sultan with the ladies as his harem.  It's definitely a wine/women/song setting.  It gets pretty cryptic in a hurry, as Nightcrawler enjoys himself but with lots of questions.  The ladies (by the way, check out the various costumes in the story -- seems like some Legion wear might be sneaking in here and there) tell him that males are not native to their planet, so when one arrives they make him their god or king -- to further the population.  But, they also tell, the gods and kings never seem to last too long.  An oracle is mentioned, and Nightcrawler says he'd really like to see that.  So it's up from the table and off on a short field trip.  Inside the cave of the oracle, Nightcrawler is stunned to see a television!  Once turned on, a little old lady, looking like Granny from the Looney Tunes, greets him.  She tells Kurt that all he needs to do to get home is to go to the Well at the Center of Time.  It's a crater only a few miles away that can transport him right back home.  However, she cautions that if he takes anything from there, or leaves anything behind, she can make no guarantees -- he has to leave exactly as he came in.  And then as he and the escorts turn to leave, the oracle tells him to watch his tail while he's there.  Huh?

Doug:  We cut to another part of the world where the Vanisher has set himself up as a god.  The locals are waiting on him hand and foot, but the Vanisher is stuck in his old ways.  He looks at each piece of treasure bestowed upon him and wonders how he could fence it!  Suddenly Nightcrawler steps forward from the shadows, spooking the Vanisher.  Nightcrawler tells him what he's learned about leaving, but the Vanisher rebukes him -- he ain't going!  So the X-Man says if the Vanisher won't come along peacefully, he'll have to go by force!  The Vanisher throws a vase at his would-be abductor, and then appropriates a sword.  "Swashbuckling?" says Nightcrawler, who then grabs a cutlass of his own.  The two men duel, with Nightcrawler getting the better end of it all.  He finally subdues his foe, and bodily removes him from his harem.  As the two Earthlings march out, the women tell them to be careful -- they seem not at all bothered that the "gods" are leaving.

Doug:  Nightcrawler hustles the Vanisher to the Well at the Center of Time.  Upon seeing it, the Vanisher emphatically declares that he's not jumping into that crater.  He then uses the Darkforce to craft a huge hand, pick up Nightcrawler, and drop him.  Nightcrawler is losing his patience quickly, when the Vanisher pulls a "sheet" of Darkforce from his body and hurls it at Nightcrawler.  Kurt's engulfed in the stuff, and disappears!  As it's like one big shadow, Nightcrawler did a fade-out.  However, upon returning he encourages the Vanisher to restore the Darkforce to his outer covering -- it's apparently wearing a little thin.  At that moment huge beasts rush the two mutants, forcing them to their only recourse -- jumping into the crater.  They do, and fall back through the inter-dimensional abyss.  Back in Poughkeepsie, Nightcrawler and the Vanisher reappear right where they'd "BAMF!"ed out only seconds before.  The Vanisher tries to go all Mr. Threatening on the X-Men, but his steam is lost when he notices he's... naked!  His teleporation powers restored, he gets outta Dodge pretty quickly!  Storm asks Kurt for an explanation and all he tells her is that he's been to paradise... and someday he's going back!

Doug:  This story, of the three in the book, would have looked the best in color (although it is striking in the format you see).  I imagine it would have looked something like the Thing/Hulk graphic novel The Big Change.  I thought this story was a nice way to end the magazine -- pretty light and breezy fare.  Cockrum just had a passion for Nightcrawler, and that spirit shines through the art.  It's fun.  Overall, I'm not sorry I own this magazine -- if I hadn't said it before, this was the first time I'd read any of these three stories.  They're all OK -- if I had to rank them, I'd probably go Nightcrawler, Phoenix, and Iceman.  However, the Iceman story far and away looked the best -- it was just beautiful!  Bronze Age X-Men -- that's just never going to be a horrible experience, is it?  Nope -- like golden days of yore.  Thanks for sticking with me over these past three months!

A Fun and Unexpected Sunday Drive

Doug:  With great apologies to our friend David_B, I have a confession to make -- last Sunday I attended Wizard World Chicago.  Here is an email I sent to my partner upon my return, with temporal parameters updated so you know what the heck I'm talking about --

Doug:  Our oldest was able to come home yesterday (Saturday) afternoon and he'll be staying until Tuesday (now two days past) morning, so that was nice.  And, I got my expenses reimbursement from my 10-day trip to Washington, DC in July to work for the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.  I guess I had miscalculated how much I'd get, because it was about $150 more than I'd expected.  So, on a whim I asked him if he wanted to take one more whirl at the Chicago Comicon.  As he was immediately up for it (I did ask him to buy his own ticket this year -- at $50 a pop, I just couldn't do it for both of us, and he has worked all summer), we hit the road around 11:00 this morning (this past Sunday).

I got the following hardcovers for $10 apiece:

DC Comics Classic Library -- Flash of Two Worlds
Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

Half price hardcover:

Adventures of Superman: Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez

Half price trade paperback:

Daredevil Visionaries:  Frank Miller, volume 2

And the following were $5 tpbs:

Invaders Classic, volumes 2, 3, and 4
The Tomb of Dracula, volume 2
Chronicles of Conan, volume 2

But the coup of the day, which basically paid for my ticket in, was the following hardcover, MSRP of $49.99, which I bought for $3 (yep, $3!) --

The Joe Kubert Library:  Tor, volume 1

I got all of that for $80.  I also spent $20 with Neal Adams, getting the Batman print that is the cover to Batman Illustrated by Neal Adams, volume 1.  Neal autographed it to me and we chatted for a few minutes.  My son bought both the Superman vs. Muhammad Ali print and the "Athletes of the Century" print that Neal created for ESPN The Magazine -- which if you've never seen it is a recreation of the Superman/Ali cover, but with Michael Jordan standing in for Superman and the other top 98 athletes making up the audience.  Neal signed both of the prints to my son as well. 

Both of the prints (pictured below) came with papers that had a legend of all of the personalities in the two audiences -- a nice touch!  I thanked Neal for all he'd done for me.  He was typically full of himself, which my son picked up on right away.  I did not bring up plate tectonics...

Doug:  I mentioned just above that I spent $80 on the books that I purchased.  When I got home I totaled the cover prices on them.  With what I paid, I got a 75% discount off MSRP; even with factoring in my admission ticket and $13 for parking, I still got a 55% discount.  I use amazon.com's typical discount of 30-35% to gauge my success rate at a sale of this sort -- I'd say I made out pretty well.  And you know where else I made out well?  In the "father and son" department -- we just had a great time, people watching, looking at cool stuff, all the cosplay folks running around.  And the 75-minute car rides on either side of the trip were a treasure as well.  Hey, the lad's almost 22 years old and going to be a senior in college.  This may indeed have been our last safari.

Doug:  And again -- a big "sorry" to my pal David, as he'd asked me months ago about meeting up at the con, and I'd said I was not going.  Windfall, m'man -- that's the only reason I went!

True or False: CGC has hurt the hobby of comic collecting

Who's the Best... Significant Other?

Doug:  Of all of the superhero romances and/or marriages you can think of, who is the partner to whom you'd give a gold medal or blue ribbon -- that is, who is that significant other who has been the most supportive and soldiered through the most adversity to stand by his/her man/woman?  By the way, this can be considered as an extension of a post Karen and I ran back on Valentine's Day.  Check it out, as it was one of your high-comment days!

Johnny and Pete's Excellent Adventure: Marvel Team-Up 10

Marvel Team-Up #10 (June 1973)
"Time Bomb!"
Gerry Conway-Jim Mooney/Frank Giacoia

Doug:  I suppose the art is as good a place as any to begin today's discussion.  On the job are two Silver Age veterans in Jim "Madman" Mooney and Frank Giacoia.  As I mentioned last week, I am using the first volume of Essential Marvel Team-Up as my resource (thanks to my partner for providing the pretty color images over these first three weeks of August!).  I'd bet you I could flip through that book and randomly stop on a page and at first glance tell you if Mooney was on the art team.  Where am I going with this?  I don't dislike Jim Mooney at all -- not a bit.  But, his art is "qualified".  What I mean is that his figurework and storytelling is OK, above average even -- the guy was a pro.  But his faces are just generally so darned cute it's hard to take these characters seriously.  Johnny Romita had this same sort of "soft" style, but managed to pull off a menacing look here and there.  I think Mooney was perfect for his tenure on Supergirl, but here his Johnny Storm just isn't getting it done in the hero department.  Does this make sense?


Karen: Generally I like Jim Mooney. Not one of my favorites but a very serviceable artist.I didn't really have a problem with his Johnny Storm -I guess I've always thought of him as being a "teen idol" type anyway.

Doug: Storywise, we pick it up just about where we left off at the end of last issue.  Kang and Zarrko, the Tomorrow Man are squaring off in the 23rd Century -- the home time of Zarrko, and a spot in the timestream Kang has come to conquer ('cause that's what he does).  Iron Man and Spider-Man had been brought into the conflict and Zarrko had used them as wild cards in attacking Kang's citadel.  But in one of the fracases, IM was knocked for a loop.  Spidey was as well, but recovers just as the scene between the two time masters is about to climax.  Zarrko reveals to Kang, a plot which Webhead overhears, that he will send three time capsules back in time to effectively stop the evolution of innovation.  When these doohickeys go off, jets will become biplanes, guns will become slingshots, etc.  Once the tech. is out of the question, Zarrko will swoop in and take over the Earth in that era.  However, he plans to leave one weapons depot untouched so that he can use it to rule.  From there, he will somehow (I'm just not clear on the logic or plausibility of this scheme) rule all of time.  Kang seems a bit nervous, so this thing must have some legs.

Karen: When it comes to time travel stories, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief quite a bit if the story is entertaining. But this whole scheme is beyond ludicrous. Your use of the term 'evolution' is apt. It's not time travel, but some sort of bizarre rewinding of progress, like you could "devolve" technological or societal developments. What I'm talking about will become more apparent during the course of the review. But I have to say, it's idiotic.

Doug:  As I said, Spider-Man is alert during Zarrko's monologue.  He whispers to Iron Man that they need to head this plan off at the pass and engage the super-baddies.  But Iron Man, although also conscious, tells Spidey that he'd better make tracks -- the armor is damaged and has no power!  In effect, Tony Stark is a prisoner in his own metal skin!  Knowing he's no match for Kang and Zarrko, Spider-Man looks to find a way a) out of harm's way and b) back to 1973.  Well wouldn't you know it, he finds a time machine and miraculously figures it out faster than would Reed Richards.  Couple of things about this scene, but I'm trying to roll with it:  young Peter Parker deduces how time travel should work and what sort of equipment would make it work, and then is able to run the processes necessary to get what he wants.  Oh, and one more thing -- I teased last week about Zarrko's labeled device; here we see "Portal Effect" just where it needed to be for Spider-Man to escape.  A-hem...

Karen: Was everything conveniently labeled back then? I found it amusing that Kang and Zarrko were so rapped up in their argument that they completely missed the fact that Spidey escaped.  

Doug:  As Spidey materializes back in 1973, Zarrko continues to menace Kang. But as the Conqueror moves to end the nonsense, he's startled -- scared even -- to see the arrival of some mystery folks... who we'll meet in the next issue.  Spidey is indeed home, but not home home.  Nope -- he plops down square in the middle of the Baxter Building.  The Torch happens to be the only one home, and since he and Spidey go way back there's no need for any senseless fisticuffs.  They act like the old chums they are (Johnny sure is cuuuute!), have a beverage, and Spidey brings his buddy up to speed on the adventure.  No other FF members are around, so it's just the two of them to save the world.  They decide they need to locate Zarrko's three time capsules and destroy them.  Spidey knows that they are set to land in Japan, South America, and Greece.  So they split up and set off -- Johnny for the Land of the Rising Sun, and Peter for Venezuela.  Since neither of them could get to those locales, Johnny hops a trans-Pacific flight (what do you suppose that last minute ticket cost him?) and Spider-Man does the same -- sort of.  He webs himself to the bottom of a plane, and then somehow knows exactly when to disengage.  I am trying really hard to believe this, putting my best kid hat on.  Really?  Webbed to the bottom of a plane, flying at 30,000 feet?  Whatever...


Karen: Where do I start? There's just so many 'shake my head' moments here. So by sheer coincidence, Spidey winds up in the Baxter Building? Why not just have him arrive somewhere in NYC and then go to the Baxter Building to get help? Then they just hang out and have a pleasant little chat. They don't know exactly where the capsules are landing but they head off. Johnny at least gets a ticket and rides inside a plane. I am just as incredulous as you are regarding Spidey's mode of transport. He even makes a comment about his 'air supply' about to run out -what did he do, web one up? I have this image of Spidey huffing from a web sack...the mind boggles.

Doug:  Both of our heroes encounter the time capsules just as they've gone off.  Johnny ends up fighting a local with a gun who reverts to a samurai warrior.  It's a weird scene, as the Torch obviously doesn't want to hurt the guy and so fights him hand-to-hand.  Spider-Man encounters some of the Venezuelan locals, who revert back to pre-Columbian indigenous Americans.  Both of our heroes get close enough to the time capsules that they are affected by its radiation.  Johnny feels like he's losing his mind; Spidey feels about the same.  As Spider-Man is about to succumb, the Torch shows up.  Whaa--aaat??  Yup.  Johnny tells Spider-Man how to avoid the pull of the radiation.  He says an hour ago he was having the same trouble, figured it out, and then "hitched a ride" on a plane, figuring Spidey would be having the same problems.  An hour.  From Japan to Venezuela.  And by the way, how did they know how to locate these devices in the first place?  Oh, man...

Karen: You know a lot more happened in those scenes but you still spent more time than they deserved describing them. This is utter crap. I'm sorry. It's just that bad. This device somehow turns not time back, but progress back? So a modern Japanese man becomes a samurai? Oh and they misspelled 'samurai' in the book too. And what commercial plane can go from Japan to Venezuela in an hour? I was tempted to stop reading but I didn't want to leave you hanging. Really...

Doug:  I'm sure our readers who've not previously seen this story can tell from the art samples that the Torch's and Spider-Man's battles were told separately.  In the interest of my own valuable time, as well as my sanity, I condensed about five pages into that one paragraph.  Yeah, this is bad.

 Doug:  Johnny says he thinks he recognizes the radiation that the time capsules emit, but cannot place it; Spidey says they have one device to find and destroy.  So our youthful protagonists jump in a biplane -- Johnny piloting -- but once not under the influence of the time capsule the plane soon becomes a jet.  Apparently no sweat, as Johnny pilots it anyway.  They head for Greece, where it looks like an episode from
the Hellenic period.  The boys do a little dust-up of the hometown folks, and locate the time capsule.  As Johnny is about to incinerate it, Spider-Man stops him -- he says, wait, dude -- it's the only way we have to possible get back to the future and free the Avengers!  So they neutralize the deal, and then the Torch tells that he's figured out why he knows that radiation pattern.  He thinks it's the same as the negative zone that radiates around the Great Refuge -- home of the Inhumans!  Spidey's like, "Let's roll!" but the Torch says no way -- he's got a certain ex-girlfriend who lives there and he doesn't want to open old wounds.  But instead of helping Spider-Man, he just leaves!  Just leaves!

Karen: Well of course he does! You were expecting it to start making sense now?!

Doug:  Being a gentleman, I'm going to give my partner first crack at the summation of today's yarn.  But I hope I don't prejudice her if I say this might be a notch below a Spidey Super-Stories tale!

Karen: I already called it 'crap' so I think it's pretty clear how I feel. Really, this is a sub-par effort on the part of Conway, and I bet if we were to ask him, he'd agree. Now I will take up the role of apologist here, and note that the man did seem to be writing an awful lot of titles and fill-ins back in the early 70s, so you know not every single one of them is going to be gold, or silver. Let's face it, this isn't even brass. I'm sure his 'progress devolver' must have seemed like a nifty idea at the time, but in action it just seems completely silly. To be fair, as a nine-year old, I probably would have reacted differently. But even if we disregard the inanities of the plot, overall, this is an unsatisfying affair, with no central villain and a lot of running around but not much pay-off. Truly a real low point in our reviews.

Doug:  Having obviously read the first two issues in this little 3-parter, I'll add that I've also read the conclusion, which we'll feature next week.  This middle installment is definitely a stinker.  I wonder if the creative team was working Marvel Method, or if Conway was responsible for a plot synopsis or even a full script.  At the top I spotlighted Jim Mooney and Frank Giacoia as Silver Age guys; I could see Mooney hearkening back to those days at DC Comics and coming up with some of the elements of this story.  If true, and I agree with you about the volume of work Gerry Conway was churning out at this point in history, then the outcomes here might be explained.  But even if my little fantasy explanation is true, it doesn't make it a good story, and the bottom line is that either Stan Lee or Roy Thomas signed off on it!

Word Association -- Do-It-Yourself

Doug:  Here's a little game you can play, solitaire-style -- and then we'll build it out and into a discussion.  We've all done word associations before...  I say "Red", you say the first thing that pops into your head, like "apple", or "firetruck".  I thought today it would be fun to do this with comics and other pop-culture related topics.

Doug:  Here's the way it will work, and I'll start.  I'll give you a couple of word associations of my own, and then I'm going to leave you with a couple of prompts.  Any commenter today can address my prompts, but what I'd like to get going is a conversation that stretches over the weekend where we respond to the commenter before, then give some of our own opinions on word associations, but then leave something for the next commenter as we go.  So below, I say "Roy Thomas" and "Conan", but you come along and say "No, no, no -- when I hear 'Roy Thomas' I think of the Invaders".  That's cool -- the game goes on, but we build these little topics for discussion as we roll along.  Shoot, by the time the fifth or sixth commenter comes along, who knows what we'll be conversing/arguing about?

Doug:  So, here's what I have to say, and then what I'd like the next person to start with --

Roy Thomas -- Kree/Skrull War (ha!  I already changed my mind!)
Kid Flash -- Secret Society of Super-Villains

And here's what I'm leaving:

Tom & Jerry
The Atom

Doug:  Have fun!

Avengers Pre-Assembled

Karen: The new Avengers cartoon, Avengers Assemble, has been on the air for about 4 weeks or so now. Not sure if any of you have noticed. We've been watching it sort of half-heartedly in my house. We're trying to give it a chance, but it just lacks the smarts and style of its predecessor, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Karen: It's quite obvious that Marvel is doing everything they can to make this animated show resemble the movie version of Avengers as much as possible. As far as I know, that's the main reason they cancelled A:EMH and started up this new show, to try to present some sort of 'unified front' in their entertainment I suppose. The costumes look more like the movies outfits, and at least for Iron Man, the actor doing the voice seems to be trying to sound like Robert Downey Jr.

Karen: There's also the jokes. I don't think a line of dialogue can end without a joke, unless it's Captain America talking. He's the only one who gets an exemption it seems. And there's little to no character development. I think the only character who has seen any actual time devoted to understanding who he is would be the Falcon, and that's because he's used as a viewpoint character. Of course, they've also completely changed him from the comics, but I guess that doesn't matter, because the cartoon doesn't appear to really be referencing the comics.

Karen: So far I believe I've seen five episodes (including the two-part premiere) and it's pretty much been wall to wall action, with characters crashing and smashing across the screen but little in the way of plot or motivation. It's obviously geared to keep the kids interested and ready to buy toys. I know I had read that Jeph Loeb said they were going with "done in one" stories because the multi-episode stories of A:EMH were basically too much for little kids to handle. I guess good plotting and character development are too.

Karen: They do a segment at the end of the show comparing an Avenger's powers to a real life athlete and they use clips from A:EMH and it just reminds me every time how much better that show was than this new show. I'm hoping we'll see improvement but I doubt it. I think, for me, a big part of the problem is that this show seems so removed from the comics, whereas A:EMH embraced the 40+ years of history Marvel has and drew upon it. They had episodes with the Kree Sentry, for Pete's sake! Now we have seen some old- time villains in the new show too, but they keep having to tie them into the movies somehow  and it just feels weird: the Super-Adaptoid created by Justin Hammer?

Karen: I haven't even touched on the animation. While I never thought A:EMH was fantastic, it looks far better than AA, which sometimes makes me think I am watching an old episode of GI Joe. Seriously, who is drawing this thing?

Karen: While there's nothing inherently wrong with Marvel wanting to promote their movie line, it's a shame they had to take off a really well-made show like A:EMH and replace it with pablum like AA to do it.

The new:

The old:

True of False: Thor Is More Interesting When Written as a Cosmic Hero

Doug:  Was Moondragon right?  Should Thor forsake Earth and all mortals?