Bronze Age Babies: Who's the Worst... Superhero Movie?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Who's the Worst... Superhero Movie?

37 comments:

Mike said...: Daredevil. They took THE storyline in the comics that had an impact on me and shaped me as a young reader and absolutely insultingly destroyed it.; February 22, 2014 at 6:40 AM
Anonymous said...: The Captain America movie from 1990 - Cap's ears weren't even real !!; February 22, 2014 at 7:26 AM
Anonymous said...: I invoke the power of 3, Howard The Duck, Batman And Robin, Spider-Man 3.

And you have to be superbad to knock out Green Lantern, Supergirl, Elektra and the Punisher remake.

The Prowler (oh the humanity...ah, it's it's it's, o-ooh).; February 22, 2014 at 8:38 AM
Steve Does Comics said...: Ghost Rider. Just awful. Nicolas Cage totally miscast as Johnny Blaze and about thirty years too old for the part. That weird dead creature on his head, posing as hair. The totally redundant guest slot from the original Ghost Rider who rides all the way to the big showdown with him and then decides to just up and leave, making you wonder why he bothered going there in the first place.; February 22, 2014 at 9:16 AM
david_b said...: Jeez, there's a few mentioned already I wasn't even thinking about..

I'd say DD and the '90 Cap movie for sure, perhaps adding 'Catwoman', if that classifies as a 'hero movie'.

Supes 4, everyone.; February 22, 2014 at 9:18 AM
J.A. Morris said...: I'll have to go with tie: 'The Dark Knight Rises' and 'Man Of Steel'.

I thought Bane sounded like a bad Sean Connery impressionist. The portion where Bruce Wayne was stuck in the whole was melodramatic, stupid and seemed to go in forever. I found Hathaway to be boring Catwoman, her voice always puts me to sleep.

'Man Of Steel' was a contrived attempt to give Superman the angst of Batman and Spider-Man. The scene where Clark's dad dies was silly and pointless. And I quickly tired of Zod screaming about his PEOPLE! This film took all the fun out of Superman.

As for the Marvel movies, I thought the first FF movie sucked. I thought the 2nd was a bit better, but I'm still pissed that they made Galactus a cloud! Really?

I've never seen the 1990s Punisher or Captain America movies, if I did they'd probably top my list.; February 22, 2014 at 9:18 AM
david_b said...: And for DavidB's crystal ball response...:

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2014/02/20/the-new-fantastic-four-cast-have-been-selected-teller-mara-bell-and-jordan/

Based on these cast photos, we may be in for another bummer FF movie..; February 22, 2014 at 9:25 AM
Humanbelly said...: Like J.A., I'm at the disadvantage of not having seen several of the infamously bad ones (CATWOMAN, DAREDEVIL, ELECTRA, PUNISHER, the early Captain Americas, for instance), so I may not have the best sample to work with. But HBSon & I watched BATMAN & ROBIN about a month ago, and it far & away takes the prize for being an outright awful film that simply surrendered to the easy, fast-money-grab Hollywood mindset that is the downfall of so many "Blockbuster" projects. Lord, it was soooo bad. (Well, actually, Uma Thurman & the brief John Glover both totally "got" what they were trying to do, and surrendered rather delightfully to their characters, and they rather worked-- but. . . no one else. Well. . . maybe Alfred. . . ).

And I'm an easy touch, folks. I didn't hate GHOST RIDER. . .just thought it unmemorable. Kind of liked GREEN LANTERN (yes, hurl the derision now. . . I know. . . ). And did like SPIDERMAN 3 quite a lot-- just thought it uneven and somewhat misunderstood.

X-MEN 3 would be my next worst.
And then MAN OF STEEL-- but mostly because the writing was such an atrocity. I was flat-out offended by choices the writers made, which went far beyond being sloppy or careless. The writing was abusive.

HB; February 22, 2014 at 9:38 AM
Doc Savage said...: It's a tie between all 3 Christian Bale Batman movies. Overly serious, awful costumes, full of plot holes, the Batvoice, the nihilism, the whole endeavor smacked of embarrassment by the genre...I can't take it. I'd rather see the Clooney Batman. It sucks but at least it's not hitting me over the head with self-importance and "realism."; February 22, 2014 at 10:08 AM
Doc Savage said...: P.S. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is awesome.; February 22, 2014 at 10:13 AM
Humanbelly said...: Hey, you know what? We may be overlooking some solid non-comic-based clunkers. We were one of the VERY few (un)fortunate families who opted to see the 2006 Tim Allen vehicle, ZOOM. A truly, truly, bad film that was clearly being phoned in by Allen, and not even snail-mailed in by Chevy Chase. A family-friendly outing, sure-- but so was SKY HIGH, which we all rather enjoyed.

Nah, ZOOM would definitely make my Top Five Worst, I think.

Hey, what about. . .what was it called-?. . . PUSH, w/ Chris Evans? That film totally tanked, although I did find it rather engaging. But does something like that qualify as a superhero film, or is it a sci-fi film?

HB; February 22, 2014 at 11:12 AM
Pat Henry said...: Corman's FF movie.

And also the other, bigger budget FF movie... Doctor Doom as board ousted CEO? Bah!; February 22, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Humanbelly said...: Oh man-- daveB, I just checked out that link on the FF casting, and "By Jove, Fox has done it again, Holmes!". My first thought was that this must be for a television version, 'cause lord knows there's no such thing as action programming where any main character can be over 24 years old. But no. . . this yahoo (Trank?) has cast two children. . . two CHILDREN (I'm sorry, but look at their pictures!). . . as what have always been two of Marvel's elder statesmen superheroes. I'm guessing this means the source material is going to be Ultimate Universe based, then. Ugh.

I have to say, Kate Mara works fine for me, though. I've been watching the first season of AMERICAN HORROR STORY, and she's pretty much a hoot. And I don't have any big problem w/ Johnny being black-- although this actor looks older than the two playing Reed & Ben, which is just screwy.

HB; February 22, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Doug said...: Superheroes, HB = men in tights.

Earlier today, I had that little devil resting on my shoulder, urging me to make a snide comment like "Hey, everyone - I bet what we're really doing is making a 'Who's the Best...?' list for Matt!" But I thought better of it, and then got a wry smile -- I figured Matt would be along soon enough to bear out what I had been thinking.

He did. Superman IV, indeed!

All smiles, all the time, Matt!

Doug; February 22, 2014 at 11:47 AM
Rip Jagger said...: The Bad:

Captain America (90's version which started out okay but lost its way after the defrosting. Red Skull is pretty neat, but little else works. At least now we have a good Cap movie.)

The Worse:

Batman and Robin (Clooney should've been better and the rest of it adds up to arguably the cheesiest movie ever made. Too much neon, too much smarm. Without Alfred's looming demise, it would be a total loss, since that's only legitimate note in the whole movie.)

The Ugly:

Green Hornet (The most recent attempt to bring the Hornet to the screen was a contemptible indulgent pile of trash. A great character was ridiculed for a few bad jokes by an-at-best-mediocre actor. At least Kato wasn't totally a waste. I hate this movie not only for what it was, but mostly for its lack of trying to be anything else. Puerile is the word that leaps to mind. ); February 22, 2014 at 12:00 PM
Edo Bosnar said...: Tough call - there's so much to choose from. But I'll say Batman and Robin, simply because it's so bad I've never been able to sit through the whole thing - and seriously, besides the nipples, the signal to just get up and walk away is right near the beginning, when they're in a helicopter explosion and survive by sky-surfing on pieces of its hull.; February 22, 2014 at 1:48 PM
William said...: There are just so many really bad superhero movies it's hard to choose just one. Most of them have been mentioned already. All the usual suspects like Catwoman, Batman and Robin, Superman IV, and the Corman FF and Captain America movies, etc.

All those are bad movies, but to me, the worst superhero movie ever made is "Man of Steel" (followed closely by all three of the Nolan Bat-films). However, MOS edges out Batman because at least the Nolan Batman sort of resembled his comicbook counterpart on some basic level. But the Superman that was presented in MOS bore no resemblance whatsoever to any version of Superman I have ever seen before.

The success of that movie can best be summed up by my wife's reaction to it. Now, my wife doesn't read comics at all (except Archie), but she has learned to enjoy superhero movies, (because I drag her to all of them). She even liked "Superman Returns". But as soon as the credits started to roll on MOS, she exclaimed "Well that sucked!" Then she went on the say that it was one of the worst movies she'd ever seen. Despite all the over the top, forced action, she said she was bored to death. She also said that it didn't seem like a Superman movie at all, and that the character was all wrong. (And btw, my wife LOVES Henry Cavill because of his work on the Tudors). So you see, even my wife, (who doesn't read comics) and is a totally unbiased critic on this subject, recognized that they totally ruined Superman in that total waste of time of a movie. And there's just no good excuse for that.; February 22, 2014 at 2:16 PM
david_b said...: I believe Rip has the winner.. with Green Hornet.

Unlike some of the other's listed, where the director earnestly tried to take the hero in question in another direction (well, either a more thought-worthy or 'forget-the-character's-past-just-reimage' vein..), the creator's here just made yet another slacker vehicle for Seth Rogen.

It's like 'screw you, GH fans'.., Seth Rogen needs another blockbuster, who cares..?'

Disgusting thought process, just a few steps lower than, perhaps, well-meaning nipples and codpieces.

http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/it-was-a-dark-time-seth-rogen-speaks-candidly-about-the-failure-of-the-green-hornet-20130610; February 22, 2014 at 5:00 PM
david_b said...: Oooo folks, almost forgot:

No one mentioned that last 'Lone Ranger' movie with Johnny Depp.; February 22, 2014 at 5:05 PM
Doc Savage said...: Haven't seen the last two Superman movies so I can't say... Man of Steel sounds awful and the clips turned me off.

Forgot about Green Hornet. That was so bad I was fast-forwarding to see if it got better and ended up deleting from the DVR midway thru. Not sure I consider GH and Lone Ranger "super heroes," though. Didn't see the Depp movie but heard terrible things. Have yet to hear anyone liked it, which is a real sign of awfulness in a culture where almost every train wreck has its defenders and champions and avengers (super team names, is that a pun?). Turkish Captain America sounds better, even with its rapist Spider-Man villain...

So I'll stick with the Bale Batmen as the worst I've personally seen. Even Catwoman at least had the redeeming value of a scantily clad Halle Berry in her prime, if not much else. Honestly can't think of any redeeming value of the Nolanized nihilistic Batworld. Not even Anne Hathaway in skintights can erase the repugnant tone and world-view of those movies.; February 22, 2014 at 5:43 PM
Fred W. Hill said...: Of the ones I've seen (or at least recall seeing) that '90s vintage Captain America with an Italian Red Skull was pretty rotton, as were the Man-Thing & Howard the Duck flicks, but I'd give the worst of the worst nod to the second Ghost Rider film. If Hell is real, I imagine there must be a circle where the condemned are strapped to their chairs, and with eyes forced to stay open forced to watch this film in an endless loop after drinking far too much soda. Ok, now I've grossed myself out.; February 22, 2014 at 5:47 PM
Doc Savage said...: There was a 2nd Ghost Rider film?! With Nic Cage and Eva Mendes again? Or was it one of those sequels you find in the bargain bin with a replacement cast of nobodies?; February 22, 2014 at 7:00 PM
Anonymous said...: A lotta low cards in this hand. I'll put in a vote for those Fantastic Four movies. Yeesh.; February 22, 2014 at 7:40 PM
Doug said...: I can't believe no one has mentioned Superman III. It was far worse than Superman IV -- perhaps requiring new marks on the worst-o-meter.

Other comic films (I know -- apologies to HB) that I've not seen but would be curious for any feedback our readers can give: Swamp Thing and Hancock (w/ Will Smith). Did comedian Robert Townsend do some superhero spoof film?

Supergirl was brought up. I never saw it, but would have to say that Helen Slater certainly looked the part.

Doug; February 22, 2014 at 9:27 PM
Doc Savage said...: Townsend's Meteor Man wasn't a spoof and was pretty decent. Very likable character. There was a Marvel Comics adaptation I saw in a dollar bin and regret not buying. Never seen it since.; February 22, 2014 at 9:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Doug, the Townsend movie is Meteor Man. He's afraid of heights so he flies 5 feet off the ground. Swamp Thing is not a bad movie. Adrienne Barbeau tied to a tree is not a bad movie memory to have. I don't hate it. Hancock is a movie you could slip in with Chronicle and Super 8 and not have a bad movie night. The premise of the film is the two super beings, Smith and Theron, are drawn to each other in an endless cycle but are toxic when they get too close. He spends much of the first act behaving poorly, Jason Bateman is an ad executive who attempts to clean up Smith's image. BUT WAIT!!!! Bateman is married to Theron!?! And he's bringing Smith home for dinner!?! Chaos erupts!?! Oh, those crazy superbeings!!!!

The Prowler (from the balcony, waiting for a break in his schedule to see the Legos Movie).; February 22, 2014 at 9:39 PM
Karen said...: My husband and I decided to take in the second Ghost Rider as a matinee. About a third of the way in we walked out and asked for our money back. The manager agreed it was pretty bad and refunded us without a problem.

The cast for the new FF does seem to be setting us up for Ultimates FF, where they are all young. Why? Do we need teen Doom bemoaning his acne rather than his hideous scars? The guy playing Reed also sort of looks like Rachel Maddow. I could kind of see her as Reed in an alternate Earth version of the FF....; February 22, 2014 at 10:14 PM
Anonymous said...: You can ask for your money back if the movie blows?!?
I didn't know you could do that.
You've got moxie, Karen.
Dang it, somebody owes me some money.
That George Lucas needs to start cutting some checks, pronto.
John Travolta, too.; February 22, 2014 at 10:22 PM
Humanbelly said...: HANCOCK was moderately "enh" at best, but mostly because they OBVIOUSLY re-shot/re-wrote/re-editted BIG-time very, very late in the game-- so the original film clearly had some major problems (or perhaps lost its courage?). The premise is solid and promising-- but really loses its way. There's a lack of a credible external threat or foe, IIRC, although there was one in the previews (in scenes that never showed up in the finished film!).

Y'know, I just can't rate the Corman FF that low (or high on the Bad Scale?), because it's so impossibly campy and low-budget and over-achieving that it's hard not to somehow love it. Most of the Mole Man scenes have the look and feel of the '60s Batman series. And technically, was it ever actually released? I have two different dreadfully fuzzy pirate copies. . . and that's it. Word has it that NO masters are true prints exist-- which is such a shame.

HB; February 22, 2014 at 11:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Superman IV, because it was pretentious and preachy. The Rogen Green Hornet and the Depp Lone Ranger, for desecrating two classic heroes. And Man of Steel and Dark Knight Rises, for turning two iconic heroes into guilt-ridden imitations of Spider-Man.; February 22, 2014 at 11:35 PM
Karen said...: Oh, we've gotten our money back on a few really awful movies.Each time, we've walked out well before the movie was over -that's probably a key factor in getting the refund. But so far, it's never been a problem.

Hancock felt like two different films slapped together. There was the comedy with the drunken super-powered jerk, and then the straight action film with the two super-powered ancient beings. Definitely seemed to be film-making by committee.; February 22, 2014 at 11:54 PM
William said...: Yeah, the Green Hornet movie really pissed me off. It had the potential (without Seth Rogan) of being a really good movie. It originally looked as though they were going to set it up as Kato being the real hero, with GH as the front man. That would have been a cool idea and a nice homage to Bruce Lee. They should have done the movie as a straight up, balls to the wall martial arts flick. However, they totally missed the mark with poorly choreographed fight scenes, and a badly written plot focusing too much on Seth Rogan being his usual obnoxious over the top annoying self.; February 23, 2014 at 12:36 AM
Edo Bosnar said...: Oh, man, that new Fantastic Four cast - so I guess this is going to be kind of like the Breakfast Club meets FF? Too bad Paul Gleason died, he would have been a perfect Dr. Doom for this crew.
And Karen - yes! Rachel Maddow would make a perfect Reed Richards analog in a gender-reversed FF. With Sigourney Weaver (or Glenn Close) as Countess Doom, Orlando Bloom as the Invisible Boy, Charlize Theron as the Human Torch, and - why not? - Jessica Alba as the Thing.

As for the Green Hornet film, haven't seen it, and probably never will unless I catch it on TV and have the 90 or so minutes to waste. I just can't get past Rogen cast as Britt Reid. I mean if they decided to play it as more of a tongue-in-cheek affair, then they could have at least cast went all the way and cast actors with the chops to do a good satire justice, you know, Stephen Colbert as the Hornet, John Cho as Kato and Kristen Wiig as Casey...; February 23, 2014 at 6:29 AM
Brown Bag Comics said...: Hulk - when the CGI character in a movie is more real than the "human" actors, AND you get a story that is absolute trash, THAT MAKES IT THE WORST SUPERHERO - NAY, THE WORST MOVIE EVER! Except that means Stan Helsing moves to 2nd place as worst movie ever!
Oh, and Howard The Duck wasn't bad - it was kitsch!; February 23, 2014 at 6:03 PM
Garett said...: Batman and Robin--many bad things, but Clooney as Batman was already bad enough.

For the recent Batman Trilogy--I thought the first was average, the second was excellent, and the third was lousy. Dark Knight Rises was way too bleak, instead of being dark and intriguing. Also Batman was dumb, and Bane sounded silly.

"Underrated" is probably for another time, but I'll throw in Mystery Men. I liked it when it came out, and caught some again on tv recently--fun show! I was a fan of Flaming Carrot comics, which Mystery Men is based on, so maybe you have to get that humour to like it.; February 24, 2014 at 12:42 AM
Doc Savage said...: I would've liked Mystery Men a lot better if it had stayed truer to the comics. No fancy new costumes and overcoming the bad guys via inspirational sequences...more blue-collar, milltown, devil-may-care heroics and downtime with Mr. Furious and the gang. Love the clones of Hitler's boot and evil umpires.; February 24, 2014 at 2:24 PM
Humanbelly said...: Really, really fond of MYSTERY MEN-- and perhaps not being familiar with the comic book is an advantage for appreciating the film. It certainly has moments where the effort at camp-factor is 'way too obvious (and even strident), but the woebegone, everyman humanity on full display in that particular group of heroes manages very well to keep the film afloat. I like William H Macy a lot-- and I think it's my favorite role of his. "That's the superhero I'd want to be"-- I say to myself. . .

HB; February 24, 2014 at 7:46 PM

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